This week, I joined the fancy gym.
My old gym unexpectedly went out of business, and I was honestly a little sad about it. It wasn’t beautiful or luxurious. It was simple. I went in, lifted heavy things, did my cardio and went home.
It worked.
But my best friend Katie had been trying to convince me to join her gym, so I finally did.
And...oh.
Apparently I’d been living like a pioneer. 😂
I mean...this is the GYM bathroom. 😂
The locker rooms are beautiful. There are towels everywhere. Every toiletry you could need. A women’s steam room and sauna. They even have free tampons, which feels like an oddly specific luxury I didn’t know I needed in my life.
But something happened that I didn’t expect.
I started showing up differently outside the gym, too.
I’ve been putting more thought into what I wear. Putting on my lipstick. Slowing down a little. Making my mornings feel less like something I need to race through and more like something I actually get to enjoy.
I’ve started spending about twenty minutes in the sauna after my workout. I can’t take my phone in because it will overheat, which means I physically cannot answer an email, check Instagram or respond to a text.
For twenty minutes, I just sit there. I listen to an audiobook or a meditation. I think.
And I freaking love it.
It made me realize that sometimes the smallest changes in our environment remind us how we want to feel in our own lives.
Not because expensive things make life better.
Because intentionally taking care of yourself does.
I’ve been thinking a lot about romanticizing your own life.
Wear the clothes you feel beautiful in.
Put on the lipstick.
Buy yourself flowers.
Light the candle on a Tuesday.
Take yourself somewhere beautiful for coffee.
Spend time with people who make you feel good.
Use the good olive oil.
Stop saving the best version of your life for some imaginary future when everything finally falls into place.
And especially, stop waiting for a relationship before you allow your life to feel romantic.
Because something interesting happens when you get really good at loving your own life.
You become much less willing to let someone else love you poorly.
You know what care feels like.
You know what consistency feels like.
You know what peace feels like.
And eventually, a man isn’t competing with loneliness anymore.
He’s competing with a life you already love.
I think that’s a beautiful place from which to date.
Not I don’t need anybody.
Not my life is so full there’s no room for a man.
Quite the opposite.
There’s room.
But you’ve become much more thoughtful about who gets invited into it.
That’s what I’m thinking about this Sunday.
Maybe loving yourself isn’t something you finally accomplish after enough therapy, journaling and inspirational quotes.
Maybe sometimes it looks much simpler.
Maybe it’s twenty quiet minutes in a sauna.
The lipstick.
The flowers.
The good olive oil.
A life filled with tiny decisions that quietly say:
This is how I take care of me.
And maybe you do that so consistently that when someone eventually comes along, you recognize love because you’ve already been living in it.
That’s what I want for you.
And for me.
Happy Sunday.
Amanda
P.S. Tomorrow I’m sharing this week’s Play: Dating With Intention — because once you’ve built a life you love, the next question becomes who you’re going to invite into it.
If this felt like the kind of conversation you’ve been missing...
Every week, I share a new Play to help you stop dating to be chosen and start getting really good at choosing — along with the occasional personal story, lesson I’m learning, and apparently updates from my new life as a sauna person. 😂
If choosing the right partner is part of the life you’re building, I’d love to help you start now.
Tomorrow at 12 PM PT / 3 PM ET, I’m teaching my free live training, The Game Plan: How to Stop Wasting Years on the Wrong Men and Start Dating With a Strategy to Choose Well.
If no one ever taught you how to evaluate the man sitting across from you — instead of just wondering whether he likes you — come spend an hour with me.