If He Wants to Lead, Run.

Why Patriarchal Relationships Are Keeping You Single, Silent, or Stuck

Sep 17, 2025

Last week, Charlie Kirk was murdered.
A human life was lost. A husband. A father of two.
As a mother and wife, I am heartbroken for his family.

But I also believe something hard needs to be said:
Charlie Kirk should not be martyred for his beliefs.

Because those beliefs weren’t just outdated.
They were dangerous.

He preached that men must lead and women must submit.
He said Taylor Swift, one of the most powerful women in the world, should "submit to her husband." He said women should only go to college to get an “Mrs” degree, find a husband, marry young, never start a career, and just start popping out babies.

And as someone who used to believe in those same patriarchal ideals—
I can tell you firsthand: that path didn’t make me a better wife.
It made me disappear.

I Lived the “Biblical Wife” Dream. And It Destroyed Me.

I was the Proverbs 31 woman.
The stay-at-home mom. The woman who thought:
“If I just follow the rules… If I just submit enough… I’ll be loved. I’ll be protected.”

But patriarchy didn’t protect me.
It broke me.
And when the marriage ended, I was financially devastated, emotionally wrecked, and raising three children alone.

Because the promise was never real.

The idea that submission guarantees love or security?
It’s a lie dressed in scripture.

And too many women are still falling for it.

Patriarchy Isn’t Just Bad for Women. It’s Bad for Men, Too.

Here’s what we know from the research:

Men in patriarchal marriages are more likely to feel isolated and emotionally shut down.
Women in patriarchal marriages report less sexual satisfaction, fewer orgasms, and more depression.
Relationships rooted in control—not equality—have lower long-term satisfaction and higher divorce rates.

Egalitarian love—where both partners contribute, lead, and support—isn’t weak.
It’s stronger.
It’s sexier.
It lasts longer.

But most of us never saw it modeled.
And when we do see it? It’s often mocked as “emasculating” or “feminist propaganda.”

Let me be clear: wanting a man who sees you as an equal does NOT make you high-maintenance.
It makes you emotionally healthy.

How to Spot the Difference Between Healthy Masculinity and Control

Here’s the hard part: the men promoting patriarchal relationships often seem “nice.”
They’re polite. They have jobs. They go to church. They talk about “leading” with love.

But pay attention:

Does he expect to make all the final decisions?
Does he say he wants a woman who "knows her place" or is “traditional”?
Does he talk about “providing” as a way to control, not empower?
Does he quote scripture, but weaponize it?

Healthy men don’t need to dominate.
They’re not afraid of your success.
They don’t want to dim your light to feel like they’re shining.

You Deserve an Equal—Not a Leader.

The man who’s right for you?
He walks beside you. Not ahead of you.

He’ll be proud of your ambition.
He’ll celebrate your strength.
He’ll co-create a relationship where mutual respect is the foundation, not hierarchy.

And if you’ve been wondering why your love life feels stuck—
why you attract men who want to control instead of connect—
maybe it’s time to start asking better questions.

Here’s a Free Gift to Help You Start

I made you a checklist:
“10 Questions to Find an Emotionally Equal Partner.”
It will help you filter out the patriarchs in disguise—and find a partner who wants to build something real.

👉 Click here to download it free